“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life”. This is the first sentence of a farewell essay of Marina Keegan a young woman about to graduate at Yale University shortly before her death in a car accident with the age of 22 years.
In these days of social distancing, to show consideration for each other, all of us probably experience a little bit the feeling of loneliness whilst longing for “the opposite of loneliness”.
The consequences of the covid19 virus affect us all – so of course also I stranded at home in Germany, where I came across these lines from Marina Keegan from 2012.
Contrary to her I wouldn’t say there is no word for “the opposite of lonely”. I would rather say there are many words describing “the opposite of lonely” – each touching another aspect. Each expressing a bit of the whole that actually, can’t be described in one word.
Traveling alone has shown me both sides in different shades. And with these experiences I can say, both sides can be beautiful. And both can be ugly. And without getting to know the one side you don’t know the other side.
What I mean is feeling lonely whilst being among others. And vice verca feeling complete without anyone around you. Sometimes one person is all you long for. Another time you enjoy the connection with several people in a community or team. And in turn another time you yourself are enough.
A bit further in her essay, Marina also describes one aspect of this missing word as “It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team.” And later as “These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights (…)”.
I think these days are even a form of being lonely together that is kind of new to most or even all of us. Many families and couples come as close as they didn’t for long time. Others might find out how lonely it can feel to be at home – alone or together.
To feel happy scientists found out that relationships – in all forms – are key. Surprisingly statistics show that singles are less feeling lonely than ones living as partners, as they often care more for relationships like friends or are socially more active.
When I go out for a walk lately, I feel the respect and acknowledgement for one another. That impresses me a lot. From time to time there is even a smile from a stranger passing by showing me, we are all going through the same things, more or less. I hope that one thing we gain out of this situation we are facing at the moment, is deep gratefulness for the feeling of loneliness as well as for the feeling of its opposite, whatever it means for you in this moment, likewise. To be happy I think we need both. Was I before this, from time to time longing for some quiet lone time, I am now dreaming of meeting friends. So when this is over please let’s meet and not postpone it to tomorrow or next week or so. Because who knows when the next chance is coming to see and laugh together…